Ten TIPS To Plan For Caregiving Breaks

Simple truth: It’s hard for us rare-disease moms to get a caregiving break. Our children have needs that only mom or dad can attend, or only mom or dad will do. Often, we can’t rely on just anyone to babysit our kids, making it hard for us to get a break from caregiving. But it’s so important that we do.

It also means that we have to plan and schedule for caregiving breaks. Listen, let’s be honest if we think we’ll wait until we are all caught up with our to-do list until we take a break, we may be waiting until the end of time. If we think that caregiving breaks are just going to fall out of the sky one day, we are fooling ourselves. The truth is that we need to plan for self-care and breaks.

We have to be a little more strategic in coming up with ways to get the breaks we need. We have to plan for them and schedule them into our life intentionally. Caregiving breaks have to be high on our priority list, just as high as the good care we are giving our children.

Here’s my scrappy little list of ten ideas to getting a break from caregiving. I know that these won’t work for all of us. We all have our unique situations and setups. But perhaps you can find one or two caregiving breaks from this list to adopt and add to your routine.

Mama, I’m rooting for you to get a little break here and there. I know you need it and deserve it, and though it’s hard to do, trust me, you’ll be so glad you did!

1. Wake up an hour before the kids

If waking up early is not your thing, I get it, but maybe give it a try to see if you might like it. There is something about getting up when the house is quiet and having a little uninterrupted time for yourself to get your thoughts together before the chaos begins. Use this time to read, write, pray, meditate, do yoga, exercise, listen to a podcast, have your coffee, and start the day refreshed.

2. Alternate weekend wake-ups with your spouse

If you’re married, on the weekends, plan for one day where you wake up with the kids, and the other day your spouse wakes up with the kids. On the morning that it’s your day off from waking up with the kids, use that time for whatever you like—sleeping in, a morning walk or workout, reading, meeting up for early coffee with a friend, pampering, etc.

3. Eat dinner after your kids have eaten and are in bed

Choose one night a week where you feed the kids and put them to bed early. Then have dinner on your own or with your spouse. Order or prepare a special meal and savor every bite with no interruptions.

4. Take a break while your child’s at an appointment

Many of our children attend PT/OT/Speech/Behavioral therapy or some standing appointment regularly. Often we have to attend these appointments with our children. But if there is ever an opportunity that you don’t need to be in the appointment, and you and your child are comfortable without you attending, use it as an opportunity for a little break. Go outside and take a walk, sit in your car, and read, catch up on the phone with a friend. We have to look for little opportunities in the day where we can grab a handful of minutes for ourselves.

5. Find an older child to play with your child

Let’s be honest; it’s tough to find caregiving for our children. We have to be so selective. But sometimes, you just need a few minutes to get a couple of things done. We all know that most kids love playing with other kids who are slightly older than them. So find a kid in your neighborhood, a friend’s kid, someone’s older sibling, and hire them for a few hours to come and play and hang out with your child. You’ll still be home and have eyes and ears on everything, but your child will be occupied and enjoying themselves, and this will allow you to do a few things around the house, or read, catch up on emails, cook, etc.

6. Trade time with another mom

Find another mom who you trust and trade time where you watch each other’s kids. One day you watch her kids, and one day she watches yours. It doesn’t have to be an extended amount of time; perhaps it’s just an hour or two. But that little break can help you immensely when you need a little time to yourself.

7. Have someone take the kids out while you stay home

Sometimes moms just need to be in their own home, with some peace and quiet, in solitude without caregiving. Sometimes we don’t feel like getting dressed and going out and running around. Sometimes we just feel like being home in our pj’s and on our couch with a good book or a mindless movie. Plan for a couple of hours where your spouse, family member, friend, babysitter, etc., can take the kids out of the house and keep them busy while you stay put at home. All. By. Yourself!

8. Plan one night a week where you have the night off

Find one night during the week where someone else handles the entire night, including dinner and cleanup, bathing, bedtime routine, and everything else until lights out. Maybe your spouse handles this night, or you ask a family member to do this for you one night a week, or you hire a babysitter or use respite. Having that one night where you know you get a break from the routine and have time to yourself will make a world of difference in your week.

9. Make a standing date with girlfriends

There’s nothing like our girl time. Laughing, consoling, venting, sharing inside jokes—it’s good for our soul. We know every time we see our girlfriends, we come away feeling uplifted. But when everyone is busy with kids, it’s hard to make it a priority. Making a standing date that allows everyone to make it a priority, get it on their calendar, and get childcare covered. Dinner the first Thursday of every month? Brunch the second Sunday each month? Having that time carved out that you can look forward to can do wonders for your psyche.

10. Plan one day a month to yourself

I know this one is easier said than done. Taking a whole day to ourselves may feel completely impossible or like a complete luxury. I get it. I know this may not work for everyone. For those of us that can pull it off, it will require a lot of planning. Sometimes to the point where you may wonder if it’s even worth it. Oh, mama, it’s worth it! The feeling you will have when you wake up and know that you have the entire day to focus on yourself will be priceless. So plan it a month out, so you can attend to all the details of who will watch your child and the list you’ll need to provide them with all the info for the day. Then plan what you’re going to do with your day—relax under a tree in a park, shop, lunch with a friend. The best part is you get to decide because it’s “your” day! And if one day a month is not possible, then maybe every other month, or every three months…whatever you can do. And if it’s not in the cards right now, then keep it in the back of your mind so that if there is ever an opportunity that arises you can take it!

With a little forethought and a little planning, we can learn to carve out time for ourselves. Just as we make plans to care for our children, we must make plans to care for ourselves. These are necessary strategies for rare-disease parenting. Work it, mama, get that break. And enjoy it when you do!!!  

Ps. Don’t have time for a long caregiving break? Try these short 15-minute Resets to get small breaks during your day.